Surviving The Tween-age Years: 5 Ways to Help Navigate Their New World

From the moment I became a mother and even probably before, I could always picture and imagine the tiny little baby that I would hope to one day have.

I imagined the softness of their skin, the baby snuggles and being an overall perfect mother.

As for the setting of these daydreams?

They typically took place against some kind of ethereal backdrop with me wearing all white, gently holding my baby up to the sky and spinning slowly in a circle (because that's the typical life of a new mom right?! lol ).

But unlike my daydreams, the reality of motherhood stretched much wider than snuggles, dreamy backdrops and parenting perfection.

Obviously with time I found out everything there was to know about infants, toddlers and even young school agers.

But this current phase of “The Tween” took me totally by surprise and left me feeling so unprepared.

My daughter was no longer just a baby or a little kid, she’d turned into something more.

This new stage of parenting required something different.

Different not only in the parenting techniques I used, but also in my perception of my daughter.

With so many new changes happening to my tween it was hard to know exactly how to navigate.

But through the process I have intentionally tried to figure out a few core values and behaviors to stand on to help me parent in a relevant way and give my tween daughter the space to grow in this stage of life.

So here are my Five Tips for Surviving The Tween-age Years that will help maintain a strong and healthy relationship long after the tween years are behind you.

Change Your Parental Mindset

A big revelation for me during this time is understanding that the tween phase is really your child's first footsteps into adulthood!

I know, it sounds kind of dramatic but it’s true. According to the National Institutes of Health, the tween years are highly impactful and are a time of rapid physical and mental development.

It also states that during this time our tweens are influenced by peer pressure, risk taking, body image, bullying and a number of other factors.

In the face of these real world issues, our tweens need us more than ever. It's important that we acknowledge the gravity of the situations they will potentially deal with.

It can be very tempting for us as parents to sweep certain conversations or issues under the rug because of our own uncomfortability.

Instead of choosing that route, be intentional about meeting those difficult conversations head on. By shifting our mindsets to accept our tweens’ new world, we are establishing trust and transparency in the relationship.

Don’t Take It Personal

I’ll be the first to admit it - this has been something I’ve struggled with... ALOT!

We’re parents but we’re also human so the fact that our child who once expressed their love for us so freely, now wants nothing to do with us can definitely send shockwaves through our emotional system.

Personally, I found myself internalizing the distance and (dare I even say) rejection I felt from my daughter and began wondering if I was the problem.

Luckily I realized it's not me and it's all her - she was 100% the issue, lol. And that's ok, she’s acting the exact way she should be.

Coming to terms with the fact that both of our feelings were normal helped me realize how unhelpful it is to take her actions (or lack thereof) personally.

Dwelling in the personalization of your child’s actions can make you defensive and hinders your ability to support them in the ways they need most. Taking the “you” out of it allows us to better focus on them and be their guide through this transitional time in their lives.

Set Firm Boundaries

The tween years have a tendency to mimic the toddler years in the way that they both are times when our children are fascinated by pushing the limits and testing each and every boundary you give them.

But unlike the toddler phase, tweens are better equipped to gauge and understand the confines you set for them.

That's why keeping those boundaries clear, firm and consistent is so important. Boundaries go hand in hands with communication.

The better your child understands their expectations and consequences the less resistance and confusion they will have.

Support Their Interest

During the tween age years our children are evolving and transitioning into the teenagers and young adults they will be in the future. This means that their interests and hobbies may also change in different ways as well.

They give up their barbies and action figures, for video games and face timing. Or your once shy and quiet child wants to try out for the school play or the football team which can leave us thinking “who are you and what have you done with my baby?!”

Although these are natural feelings for us to have as parents, we want to make sure that we are not projecting our fears, reservations or doubts onto our kids.

Being a constant supportive force in their life is vital. Encouraging them to try new things builds their confidence and helps them to not be afraid of trying something different. Knowing they have your support through and through creates the “safe space” that our child needs and can rely on

Give Grace

The concept of grace is simple: to give undeserved favor. That means that it can’t be earned and it's given freely. This is the same kind of attitude we need to have towards our children and ourselves during this pivotal time.

Give them grace when they disobey, disappoint and even when they are distant. Give grace to yourself when you get it wrong, take things too personally and feel overwhelmed.

Grace is truly the glue that bonds you together and makes way for the patience, forgiveness and understanding you’ll need to maneuver through the tween years together.